Robin,

Well, simplify, yes, but mostly to allow the most powerful statements to pop through. I find many times, people will say something really clearly and then don't realize the impact of the words. I like the good images to go POW... POW.... POW.

The other thing is to take the important ideas and turn some of the nouns into adjectives. This not only shortens the distance the mind must travel to get to the point you want to leave them with, it also makes the leftover nouns even more evocative.

Notice, also, that I took a powerful, descriptive quote out of a paragraph where it belonged in context but was lost-- and made it one of the eye-grabbers. We may come up with something more accurate for the quote, and for the "identity" line above it, but these were good ones, and now it goes POW. Now, ALL the rest of the copy follows from having put that quote in the reader's mind, and illustrates it.

It's just good copy-editing. Your paragraphs were very good. And we will put back in the descriptive stuff about each band member, too-- I just wanted to hear them and come up with some deathless prose to describe each of them more individually.

Keep it coming! You have some good stuff there, and a product worth promoting, from the sounds of the success you are having. In what you have written, your love for what you do comes through and makes sense of it all. I can hardly wait to hear you for myself!

~Susan