Ha! Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!

Shankillboy, allow a newcomer to welcome you back.

Have you visited the Campsite at Drumcree? If not, I suggest you cancel your weekend arrangements, buy a bottle of whatever muck passes for Buckfast in that poor benighted haven of backwardness you're living in, cover your keyboard with a waterproof sheet to protect it from the tears of laughter, and let the fun begin.

I'm a bit of an expat myself - or an ex-pat as some spell it, though I for one am still a Pat.