I also got sexually assaulted by a drunk woman whilst she was on the way to the toilet. And I got kissed by 5 different people, at least 3 of which were those female types9. Following your advice, I have had All Bran this morning to try to jump-start the bowel. Given the unfortunate start to the thread, a fitting end, that.

Did anyone spot the Humberside Police Special Whistles Division lurking in the corner, cunningly disguised as a normal person without his trademark centre-parting?

"Lodger" Frank is in his vest, braces and enormous flannel trousers, reading the Sunday Mirror and puffing contentedly on his pipe, in the back garden at No 21. In 10 minutes, he will be in for a terrible shock, as me kit in coming right off, any minute now.