St. Mom's Wort
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Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers
unconscious for up to six hours.
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E m p t y N e s t r o g e n
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Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the
memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait
till they moved out.
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P e p t o b i m b o
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Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an
evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves
flirting.
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D u m e r o l
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When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low I.Q. causing
enjoyment of country western music.
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F l i p i t o r
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Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the
urge to flip off other drivers.
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A n t i b o y o t i c s
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When administered to teenage girls, is highly effective in improving
grades, freeing up phone lines, and reducing money spent on make-up.
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M e n i c i l l i n
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Potent antiboyotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines
as, "You make me want to be a better person - can we get naked now?"
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B u y a g r a
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Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and
duration of spending spree.
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Extra Strength Buy-One-all
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When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so
severe the victim may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book
by Dr. Laura.
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******* J a c k A s s p i r i n
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Relieves the headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday,
anniversary or phone number.
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A n t i - t a l k s i d e n t
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A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to
share their life stories with total strangers.
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S e x c e d r i n
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Bedroom aerosol spray for men. More effective than Excedrin in treating
the,
"Not now, dear, I have a headache," syndrome.

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R a g a m e t
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When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as ragging
on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it
herself.
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