I'll let you down now, Fenman. Sadly, the 'Helmets were ill-equipped to be exposed to the media, and the usual tale of booze, drugs, groupies, even excess has taken a swift and heavy toll.

It isn't the end of the line for us, but we are having to retreat to a sanatorium in Sligo for the duration of the Hull Shantyfest, to discuss artistic differences. Also, it's a bit like Mudcat, when occasionally someone spoils the BS by bringing in a musical dimension, as my partner, husband and manager will be involved recording home-made tunes with the Potato Orchestra, another one of his tax-evading identities.

Have no fear, the 'Helmets will be back in September, with pyrotechnics that actually work, acres of naked flesh, a study of sobriety after the heady self-destruction of premature adulation.

Gary