A lady from California purchased a piece of timber land in Oregon. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted to get a good view of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the lady slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her private parts. In considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest doctor.

He listened to her story then told her to go into the examining room and he would see if he could help her. She sat and waited for three hours before the doctor reappeared. The angry lady demanded, "What took you so long?" The unperturbed doctor replied, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area

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A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours." The guy leaves.

A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around at shop full of customers and says, "About 3 hours." The guy leaves.

A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About an hour and half." The guy leaves.

The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey, Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait or a haircut, but then doesn't come back."

A little while later, Bill comes back into the shop, laughing hysterically The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?"

Bill looks up, tears in his eyes and says, "Your house!"