Please get help soon. This is a disease and a sneaky one at that. I have known a person who was an alcoholic before he even had his first drink. The very firt drink and he was hooked, honestly. No one knows for sure what affect alcohol will have on them. It is nothing to be ashamed of, it is a disease like many others. You are on the right road by recognising this affliction, now please go and do something about it. Sincere best wishes.