Dear Trying -- I also had anxiety attacks. I once actually had to leave my shopping in the grocery store and get out of there because I was hyperventilating. And I used to burst into tears at the most unseemly times -- more than once I had to pull my car off the road because I had tears streaming down my face. It's hard to imagine now. Life can end up being very happy, even after very tough times. Not completely free of regrets, but happy all the same.

If he can't understand what you're going through, and what you have been through, I submit that he probably never will, and it's something like a control trip, and a defense mechanism. It's a refusal to grant you your own freedom and independence, a way to make sure that you're the one who's wrong, wrong, wrong, blamed, blamed, blamed. You need space. My instinct would be to lobby for a place of your own, that's really only yours and not "ours" -- except for your kids.

Good luck. All will be well, and it won't take forever, either.