Yes, it's a long song...'ere 'tis!

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LEFT, LEFT, RIGHT, STEADY MAN
Keith Marsden

1. Rear gunner on a Lancaster in Spring of forty-four,
Son, don't ever volunteer-o.
I'd seen my share of flying and I'd had my fill of war,
Son of mine, don't ever volunteer-o.
Over Stettin, over Norway, over Munich and Berlin,
I'd lost count of all the scraps and scrapes, near misses I'd been in,
But I only needed three more trips to get my nineteen in.
Son of mine, don't ever volunteer-o.

CHORUS: I got a left, left, right, steady man, oops! go round again,
Go round again, Lord what a pain.
Blind as a bat he was and where was his brain?
Left, left, right, steady man, oops! go round again.

2. I signed on with a new lot to catch up a trip or two,
Son, don't ever volunteer-o.
I should have seen the warning signs, their flying suits were new.
Son of mine, don't ever volunteer-o.
No hopers, never-would-be's and all wet behind the ears,
The other fellows told me before bedtime there'd be tears.
But I never dreamt how they'd fulfil the worst of all my fears,
Son of mine, don't ever volunteer-o.

CHORUS: I got a left, left, right, steady man, oops! go round again,
Go round again, Lord what a pain.
On his wedding night, it was such a sight, you could hear his wife complain,
Left, left, right, steady man, oops! go round again!

3. It should have been an easy trip, some dams out Walcheren way,
Son, don't ever volunteer-o.
The sort of trip you went to miss, to try another day,
Son of mine, don't ever volunteer-o.
The flak was light, the fighters few, a piece of bread and jam,
Drop short to get that second trip, for God's sake miss the dam,
Then flick your wings to spoil the film and back to Blighty scram,
Son of mine, don't ever volunteer-o.

CHORUS: I got a left, left, right, steady man, oops! go round again,
Noch ein, again, the German gunners' refrain.
And the night-fighter pilot, he was laughing like a drain,
At left, left, right, steady man, oops! go round again.

4. He shot us through the bomb bay and he shot us through the wings,
Son, don't ever volunteer-o.
He shot away the engines and he shot away the fins,
Son of mine, don't ever volunteer-o.
We staggered past the beaches and we put down in the drink,
All seven in one dinghy as the Lanc began to sink;
And in the rush the skipper never even stopped to think,
Son of mine, don't ever volunteer-o.

CHORUS: He put the left, left, right, steady man, oops! go round again,
To steering us back - Lord he must have been cracked.
With such a chump as him on compass would we see England again?
Left, left, right, steady man, oops! lost on the main.

5. We paddled round in circles two whole days and two whole nights,
Son, don't ever volunteer-o.
Till, gleaming through the mist and rain, at last we saw some lights,
Son of mine, don't ever volunteer-o.
"Ahoy, are we near England?" shouted left, left, silly bugger,
"Are you the air-sea rescue or perhaps some fishing lugger?"
"Ach, nein, ve are an E boat in ze harbour of Zeebrugge!",
Son of mine, don't ever volunteer-o.

CHORUS: I got a left, left, right, steady man, oops! go round again,
Got us out of the drink but straight into clink.
The unlikelihood of future fatherhood for him we all made quite plain,
To left, left, right, steady man, oops! go round again.

6. Should've been on leave in Blackpool, spending all me Nuffield pay,
Son, don't ever volunteer-o.
With holes burnt in my pockets and a new girl every day,
Son of mine, don't ever volunteer-o.
But I'm sitting in this Stalag going mad on acorn tea,
Wishing I could be back once again in old A. C. R. C.,
For the bleeding left, left, steady man is bunking next to me,
Son of mine, don't ever volunteer-o.

CHORUS: I got a left, left, right, steady man, oops! go round again,
The war finished last week but he's tunnelling again.
He's down there still digging, we're all catching a train,
Without left, left, right, steady man, oops! go round again.