Must be some humongus f---ing squirrels over there, yeah? Jeez! Hmmmm. This reminds me of something. Anyone every heard The Big Effen Bee by Matt McGill? Keep that in mind as you read on...

THE BIG "EF'N" SQUIRREL

A Huddersfield man called Mike Madden
Was strolling along with his pal
He had his new bird-feeder hat on, you see
And was struck by this big "ef'n" squirrel

He'd invented his hat to feed birdies
Whenever he walked through the wood
As winter was coming, he worried they'd starve
The poor man's intentions were good.

But that huge "ef'n" squirrel in the treetop
Spied the nuts that Mike had in his cap
It launched itself off the tree branch it sat on
And landed on Mike with a WHAP.

Poor Mike never saw the thing coming
It hit him right square in the head
He was knocked to his ass, and his nuts went all over
His first thought was that he was dead.

The impact had given him whiplash
He sat there, his head all a'whirl
Craig Bailey, his buddy, explained what had happened
You were struck by this "ef'n" BIG squirrel.

Someone told Mike a short while later
That squirrels get quite bold in late Fall
When the food source grows scarce, they will go to extremes
Now Mike no longer likes squirrel at all.

There's a moral to Mikes little story
So take heed, all you boys and you girls
Don't put nuts in your hat in the north English wood
Or you'll be attacked by these massive bloody "ef'n" squirrels!

Big enough to knock a grown man on his arse, they are!