PECULIAR ALE
(The Kipper Family)

The first to come in was the sexton,
Who said, "I'm as good as the next man."
He said, "I'm as good as the next man,"
And he's one of our miserable crew.
Normally we would have bickered,
But all we did was sit and snickered,
For we knew that the next man was the vicar,
When Peculiar Ale was new, me boys,
When Peculiar Ale was new.

Now the next to come in was the mason,
All dressed in his funny old apron.
He was dressed in his funny old apron,
And he had a peculiar tattoo.
His trouser was rolled up to the knee.
His breast was bare. "Oh, woe!" said he.
"You try cutting stone dressed up like me."
When Peculiar Ale was new, me boys,
When Peculiar Ale was new.

The next to come in was the ostler,
A born again Pentecostler,
A born again Pentecostler,
Who was short of a marble or two.
A pint of whisky down he flung.
"I'm filled with spirit now," he sung,
And then he started to speak in tongues,
When Peculiar Ale was new, me boys,
When Peculiar Ale was new.

And the next to come in was the knacker,
And no man could be slacker,
And no man could be slacker.
There was nothing he wouldn't do.
He flung his old hat upon the shelf.
He said, "You must keep all your beasts in good health,
For I've no intention of knack'ring myself,"
When Peculiar Ale was new, me boys,
When Peculiar Ale was new.

And the last to come in was the nightsoilman,
Who smelled as much as any man can.
He smelled as much as any man can,
And his personal charms were few.
He stood his old can against the wall.
"Rhubarb and prunes all round!" he called.
"And then there'll be work for nightsoilmen all."
When Peculiar Ale was new, me boys,
When Peculiar Ale was new.

And then they ordered their bottles of beer
And pints of sherry
To carry them off to the cemetery
And that is where they all were buried
When Peculiar Ale was new, me boys,
When Peculiar Ale was new.

HTML line breaks added. --JoeClone, 2-Sep-02.