Here goes: hope I've got it right, including phonetics and glossary! I think it was written even before Princess Diana or Camilla. June Imray who wrote it was Grampian TV's first female newsreader in the 70's, and the accent is definitely Aberdonian (Inverurie being in Aberdeenshire)

Tune: The man that broke the bank at Monte Carlo

THE QUINE WHO DOES THE STRIP AT INVERURIE

Oh I'm nae Brigitte (pron the "te") Bardot and I'm nae Sophia Loren
Miss United Kingdom, oh no, ye're wrang again,
And I'm nae Prince Charles's girlfriend or even Miss Grampienne
I'm the quine that dis the srip at Inverurie.

Oh I used to operate a loom at Richards' factory
I liked it fine enough, b'it jist wisnae right for me
Wi' ma figure and ma looks and ma personality
I was born tae dee the strip at Inverurie.

I ta'en a busfare tae the Castlegate one day to see the sights
A mannie says, "Hey darling, would you like to hit the heights?"
"Oh ye're wasted in a factory, I can pit yer name in lights"
So I signed tae dee the strip at Inverurie.

Oh I met a fermer at a dance, he asked to see me hame,
He started getting funny when he got me up a lane,
I says, "Fa (who) d'ye think I am, I'm nae jist onyb'dy ye ken,
(Posh voice!) "I'm the quine that does the strip at Inverurie".

Oh I met a Texas millionnaire, he swept me aff my feet,
He gave me furs and diamonds, and a shop in Union Street,
Oh he wanted me tae merry'im, but I found I couldnae dee't
Cos I would mess (miss) the fun I hae in Inverurie.

Oh they phoned me up fae Grampian (pron Grumpiun), they said "We'll do a deal,
Yer fee'll be a fiver, and a lovely canteen meal,
Tho' I couldnae spake fer laughing, I said, "Hame and da' be feel,
I strip for eighty pounds at Inverurie.

Oh I think I'll still be at it even when I'm old and grey
I winna give up stripping till they carry me away,
When I reach the pearly gates at last I'll be really proud to say,
"I'm the quine that did the strip at Inverurie."


The line that caused me the most difficulty was the bit about "Hame and da' be feel" which means "away home and don't be so stupid" - unless someone knows otherwise!