To: M. Lane, Midwest Office, LFPS, Layabouts for Hire

From: D. Swan, West Coast Office, Layabouts for Hire

Re: Conklin Ceili Band release, Over the WaterFall

As you are well aware, the mission of Lane Fielding Patterson and Swan, Layabouts for Hire is to do nothing for others too busy to sit around in their underwear drinking beer and swatting flies. Your effort at Over the Waterfall, sir, flies in the face of all that is lazy. The obvious dedication, effort and musicianship displayed on this CD are an outrage to any shiftless man. The layout, art, and liner notes speak of thoughtfulness, research, and attention to detail which cannot be achieved when drooling in a semi-recumbent position. Worst is the music itself, which does not allow one to continue to wear a furrow into a couch, but compels the listener to sing, dance, or grab an instrument.

I urge you to return to your slothful duties without delay, lest you threaten a going concern which, at its heart, does nothing. Remember, at LFPS, it's the least we can do.

Nice work, pal.

D & P