My kids like this joke. Pirate goes into a bar and says me parrot can sing. I pull his left leg, he sings Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, I pull his right leg he sings Appy Birthday. And sure enough, the parrot does it. Someone asks What happens if you pull both his legs? and the parrot says I fall off my perch you idiot.

A pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, an eyepatch, but what bothers him is one day he notices he has a screw in his bellybutton. He goes to the doctor, the doctor gets out a screwdriver, and takes the screw out. Then the pirate's butt falls off.

I used to say that if a pirate came to my mother-in-laws house with his peg-leg, she'd put a coaster under him.