Somebody (maybe it was Dave Barry again) called "Muskrat Love" "a tender, poetic ballad about rodents having sex." Incredibly, it's true!

Wasn't there one by Tony Orlando about a man and woman who live in apartments that are one right above the other, in which the man asks the woman to declare her love by banging on the pipes? "bang three times if you love me, twice if the answer is no?" Some crap thing like that? Or am I just crazy...?

Okay, I've just found my copy of Dave Barry's Book of Bad Songs. If you like this thread, you need this book. Of Seasons in the Sun, he says, "this is a song about a person who is dying, but not fast enough." Of "My Way" he says "the international anthem of drunken untalented businessmen in karaoke bars." Great stuff!

Has anyone mentioned "He Hit Me (and it felt like a kiss)" perhaps the most creepy and offensive love song ever written?