They only came out at night
Creepy, crawly on four legs
It was a terrible sight
Side-winding crabby chair and table.

In innocence, bladder-wracked
I sprang from my bed and ran
To the loo, the door just cracked,
I could see it, in reach, was almost there.

They only came out at night
Creepy, crawly on four legs
It was a terrible sight
Side-winding crabby chair and table.

A sidle down the hallway
Hard edge stuck out in my path
Tangled legs will make me pay
For the folly that was mine that night.

They only came out at night
Creepy, crawly on four legs
It was a terrible sight
Side-winding crabby chair and table.

Now, I am bound in plaster
Hobbling round, lights a'blazing
With crutches that have casters,
Crabby chair and table? Nailed down!

They only came out at night
Creepy, crawly on four legs
It was a terrible sight
Side-winding crabby chair and table.