Dear Robin Banks,

I have a suspicion that Mr Amos Quito may be a carrier of "guitar chord progression" syndrome (GCPS) one unfortunate side effect of which one also needs a similar sounding treatment, GPS, to overcome. I say this because only those with GCPS are really interested in those upper "sleeping policemen" on the neck that some people refer to as "frets".

I think in your case, the treatment advocated and pioneered by my esteemed colleague, Dr. O.M. Dreadnought, i.e. radical massive fretectomy, would be appropriate. I do not normally use this technique myself, not being a specialist in it, but, in your case, it would most definitely be advantageous as it would obviate hand contact with the heat-hardened splinters that Mr. Quito has unfortunately left on your guitar.

Regarding your valuables, that is another important matter. My of my clients, particularly the female ones, have told me that they have suffered loss of their valuables, usually in the dressing room, during or after a performance. I would suggest, therefore, that you that suitable precautions and protect and secure these in a safe container while playing.

Mr. Quito may have, inadvertently, added a perceived value to your guitar as it may now be considered by the less well-informed to have a true mahogany top which is, of course, more expensive. As such less well-informed people may now try to steal it because of its perceived higher value (and because they are often unwitting carriers of GCPS as well), I recommend doubling your insurance cover on it.

I agree with you about "IKEA". Presumably they make these useful innovative products because of the short but hot summers combined with long cold winters.

Yours sincerely,

Dr. Guitar