When in the grips of certain allergic responses, one can't even *think* clearly, which is part of the problem.

If you have people around you who are aware of the problem and can offer sympathy and simply help you get through the worst part of the allergy season, it is a blessing indeed.

When you live with the handicap of having so many allergies, believe me you learn to be grateful! Grateful to still be alive. Grateful to be able to create. Grateful for faithful and sympathetic friends. Grateful for SNOW (that kills the ragweed pollen!). Grateful for antihistimine caplets, and for the days when you don't have to take two every four hours just so you can breath or speak or stop yourself from wanting to scratch your own skin off or tear your itching eyes out by the roots. Grateful that you can still sing a few notes now and then, and really grateful that you learned to play an instrument for when your voice goes entirely. Grateful to be alive after a really bad episode where you've eaten something that causes anaphilactic(sp)response, or personality changes, because you forgot to ask what it was made of...

Yes, you learn to be Grateful for that half-full glass of Life. But you don't want to settle for it. So you keep burning up every scrap of energy to try and break out of it.

Sometimes though, the energy runs out. It's hard to keep a roaring fire going when all there is to feed it is scraps of scrounged kindling wood. That's when the dispair settles in, and the grief and anger at the situation. Often a good howl will dispell the bitterness born of grief and anger most effectively. Wash it away in a raging flood of tears.

But you don't get anywhere trying to create beauty and soul on top of quicksand. Everything you do gets sucked down into the swamp.

I speak from experience. Even people who have steady jobs and good health still have problems. But they don't fall into soul-searing dispair because they have been able to build on firmer ground.

I don't want to see your gifts sucked into the quicksand, Hes! Please put as much time and effort as you can into getting a roof over your head, and healthy food in your belly --at least balance the time/energy you have so that your physical needs AND your creative efforts get equal attention from you.

Go to Legal Aid, please, and see about that business about student loans vs. welfare. I'd really hate to see you lose the opportunity that you created for yourself with that College.

With James supporting two households on his income we haven't any spare cash to send to help out (though as you know I will send along any that I find laying about) :`) , but I will try very hard to get my own music to you to add to your Music CD sales. And James has written (and sings beautifully!) five or six blues songs now, and we are planning to add them to a Duet CD. This too you can market for us if you will.

As soon as you have established a *settled* place I will loan my electric piano to you. It has no case and right now I worry about it being moved hither and yon.

This next art contract is giving me more time to devote to the music (though is going to earn me less money over all this time) so hang in there and we'll see what we can all do together to help overcome the handicaps you are facing.

Hopefully, the climb out won't take you the number of decades it has taken me. You may not have family, but you have friends --people who care about you.

Some people think love is just a feeling, and feelings come and go like whims. But Love is a *verb*. Love is what we _do_ --for ourselves and others!

Keep us posted about exactly *what* you are doing to look after your physical needs. And what you still need help with. Okay?

~ Jande