I was sitting on the bridge of my new icebreaker in a big leather chair, letting my thoughts wander to Sireen, naked cycling, sprouts, Lille, Twillingsgate, bannanannanans, melodeonist pelts and classic airship restoration - you know the sort of thing. All this shattered like a Sloop table when I read Gary's post.

Original, genuine copies of Asleep Behind the Settee can be identified easily as they are all in boxes in my cowshed. If you see one on someone's phonograph it is definately one of Gary's and must be destroyed. The owner must also have his spats torn from his brogues and a sprout deposited in his lavatory.

The bar code on Asleep behind the Settee is Fat one, fat one, fat one, space, medium one, thin one, thin one, medfium one, space, fat one, fat one, three thin ones, space, two medium ones, a fat one, a thin one, double space, fat one and three medium ones.

Look for this when approached by any dishevelled aerophonist in an opera cape and thigh length leather boots, leading an pair of impressive but imaginary horses.