Kee-rist!

I just got back from Rombos Restaurant where I was subjected to the usual hour of radio goo-goo, radio ga-ga repetitious same goddamn 50 lousy songs they always play, and...

I have the ultimate entry for this thread.

**** "Endless Love" ****

This piece of unadulterated crap goes on way, way too long, with Lionel Ritchie and Diana Ross ululating around each other like a pair of lovesick motown-drunk trained seals.

For the full horror go to this site and listen:

http://www.webmistris.com/endlesslovelyrics.html

And then, as if that weren't enough, listen to Mariah F-ing Carrey and Luther Vandross wail this turkey...on the very same site, trying hard to outdo Ritchie and Ross in the melodrama sweepstakes. There seems to be some heavy breathing added to the instrumental soundtrack, oddly enough...

Lionel Ritchie wrote the colossally dreadful and predictable lyric, and no doubt made a bloody fortune on it.

Consider these words:

HIM: My love, there's only you in my life (YEAH, RIGHT..USUAL STORY)

The only thing that's right (THAT DOESN'T SAY MUCH FOR A LIFE, DOES IT?)

HER: My first love, (I BET!)

HIM: Yeah

HER: You're every breath that I take You're every step I make (WE GOT FULL BLOWN OBSESSION HERE, NO DOUBT ABOUT IT)

HER: And I

HIM: And I

BOTH: I want to share All my love with you (WHAT? NONE LEFT OVER FOR THE DOG? THE POSTMAN? YOUR MOTHER? HUMANITY?)

HIM: No one else will do... (OH, OF COURSE NOT. HOW COULD THEY?)

HER: Hummm

HIM: You know it (DOH!)

HER: And your eyes

HIM: Your eyes, your eyes

BOTH: They tell me how much you care Ooh yes, you will always be my endless love (DON'T COUNT ON IT...)

BOTH: Two hearts, two hearts that beat as one Our lives have just begun (YUP. BORN YESTERDAY, THESE TWO...)

HER: and forever (WHERE HAVE I HEARD THAT BEFORE?)

HIM: Forever

BOTH: I'll hold you close in my arms I can't resist your charms

HER: No no no no no

HIM: No no no no no

HER: And love

HIM: and love

BOTH: I'll be a fool For you, I'm sure (YOU CAN UNDERLINE THE WORD "FOOL"...)

HER: You know I don't mind

HIM: Oh, you know I don't mind (PROBABLY DOESN'T HAVE ONE...)

BOTH: 'Coz baby

HIM: baby, baby, baby babe

BOTH: You mean the world to me (SMALL WORLD...)

HER: Oh I know

HIM: I know

BOTH: I've found in you My endless love

(instrumental interlude)

BOTH: yeah yeah, do do do

BOTH: Oooh, and love

HIM: Love, love love love

BOTH: I'll be that fool For you, I'm sure (UH-HUH)

HER: That you know I don't mind

HIM: You know I, you know I -

BOTH: I don't mind

BOTH: And, YES You'll be the only one, coz NO one can deny

This love I have inside And I'll give it all to you

HER: My love

HIM: My love

HER: My love, my love

BOTH: My endless

MY ENDLESS F**KING CLICHE MORONIC DIPHEAD LOOOOOOOOOVE......

Why does stuff like this earn millions of dollars? The same reason that McDonald's does. Marketing, endless marketing.

I could cry at the unrealized possibilities out there for something real...and the inane cultural emptiness that abounds.

- LH