THE PEELER AND THE EMU
(A skit on The Peeler And The Goat)

Oh, the Hamburg peeler went one night
On duty and patrolling
He spied an emu upon the road
And took him for a-strolling

Bayonet fixed, he sallied forth
And he caught him by the thrapple
There swore out a mighty oath
And the pair began to grapple

"Have mercy, sir" the emu cried
"And let me tell my story
I am no rogue, no ribbon man
No croppy, Whig, or Tory

I'm innocent of any crime,
Of petty or high treason
For my tribe is active at this time
It is the mating season."

"Do not complain," the peeler said
"But give your tongue a bridle
You're absent from your feath'ry nest
Disorderly, and idle

Your wide-eyed lies will not prevail
Nor your sublime oration
For you have trespassed far from home
On your own information"

"No laws of man have I transgressed
By deed or combination
It's true I strayed far from my nest,
My home, my habitation

Sad Hamburg is my dwelling place
Though born in far Australia
Where emus ever find a mate
Both male-ya and female-ya

And I bein' blighted with a need
To fertilise a hen-o
Have gone in search of my own kind
And fled my prison pen-o

But female hens of my own breed
Are few and far between-o.
In Hamburg, Munich and Cologne
Such beasts are rarely seen-o"

"I wager, sir, that you are drunk
On whiskey, rum, and brandy
Or you wouldn't have such gallant spunk
To be so bold and manly"

"You readily would let me pass
If I had money handy
I'd trate you to the parting glass
Its then I'd be the dandy"

"Oh give me peace" the peeler said
"And do not be a-bribin'
For I've had enough of your oul' jaw,
And lengthy diatribin'"

And so, with that, he hit the bird
A blow with his oul' truncheon
He plucked and stuffed and baked and carved
And ate it for his luncheon