Hesperis - read Susan's post very carefully. I think it might be the best piece of advice I have ever seen. This is clearly someone who absolutely has your best interests at heart and is not afraid of asking tough questions. Don't let yourself just become a permanent lame duck. Have a good hard think & swallow a bit of pride. You're very young still - there's bags of time to follow your dreams, you don't have to achieve everything right now.