I need help writing a batch of one-line misfortunes in a fortune-cookie format. My daughter started it last year for a party, and we had a bunch, but cant find them, and I only remember a couple.

Hers, which set the standard, was A man who eats cream-corn with his mouth open will have a crush on you.

Four adults' combined efforts never surpassed that one, we came up with things like You will be famous for less than 15 minutes, but nothing so vividly dreadful as her first one.