Hele:

Doctor doctor, I've got a steering wheel where my belly button should be....It's driving me nuts!".

The other one is too long for me to type out right noe, but involves a motorway sitting in a pub (??!!), bullying and terrorising all the other roads who come into the pub. But then when a little weedy green road comes in he goes all quiet and says nothing. When asked why he behaved so differently to the little green road, the motorway replies "You don't want to mess with him, he's a comlete cyclepath"

Cue more groans