Gor Blimee they've left the room with the computer in, unlocked again - b*****ks they've blocked off all the f***ing porno sites Perhaps I could make my own, if I could only work out how this webcam thing works. Nah -the lead's not long to reach Big Brenda's key'ole.

You all seem to be talking abaht languages - I don't recommend it - the first time they stopped me doing a gig, they blamed it on me language. I wouldn't mind but all me songs are in good ole East London English !

Mind you I wouldn't mind a coupla them foreign girls doin a gig - like that french Bardot chick or that Itie lolla-whatsit bird with the big knockers. Big Brenda talks funny sometimes, but thats only when she hasn't got 'er teeth in - mind you she's got bigger knockers than Gina thingummybob - it's jus' that 'ers 'ang down rather than stickin' out.

I 'ave trouble 'earing sometime - but I find that the ackoustics makes a difference - so any of you young tarts - remember that I hear much better in my bedroom - so wot abaht a sort of private gig special for me.

I also like birds what do requests, but matron always 'as me dragged of to my room when I asks 'em "Do yer know - you 'ave a lovely bum miss ?" - it was a popular one when I was younger.

Finally, I agree wiv that WYSIWYG bird (she must be foreign wiv a monika like that) coz I always believe in takin' wimmen as I find 'em - bending over the fridge - asleep on the lawn - feeding the goldfish.....