Here you go:

THE WINE SONG by Grant Baynham

Thread #45460   Message #672493
Posted By: Murray MacLeod
20-Mar-02 - 07:40 AM
Thread Name: BS: French Wine Guide
Subject: Lyr Add:THE WINE SONG (Grant Baynham)

THE WINE SONG

by Grant Baynham


There are those who like their wine because it adds sophistication
To that hearty meal they're serving to their friends
And there are those who like their wine because it helps in the creation
Of that party feel on which so much depends
Then there are those who like their wine to come from eastward-facing chateaux
On the the plateaus of the Loire and all that bunk
Their motives are not mine,
I like lots and lots of wine
But I like it 'cos it makes me drunk.

There are those who take a glass because it helps them to relax
They find it helps their social manner to improve,
It's a jolly useful scheme
Which I have taken to its logical extreme
Sometimes I get so well relaxed I can't move
Then there's another kind of fellow drinks champagne to get him mellow
And he swears by Clicquot, Bollinger and Brut
I tried some Brut myself, I found it on the bathroom shelf
And he was right, it got me mellow as a newt.

REFRAIN: You can gauge your wine by the quality of the vine,
The colour and bouquet and all that bunk
But it all comes back to the falling-over factor
And the fact that it gets you drunk.

There are those who like to think that it's important what they drink
They haven't got an inkling what it's all about
They spend their evenings wasting decent drinking time by tasting
Drops of this and that and spitting it all out !
They wander round the tables, they even read the labels
Muttering things like "What a pity the cork has shrunk,"
"Fruity nose" or "too much tannin",
They ought to get a man in
Who'd appreciate the chance to get drunk.

They waste their time describing
What they ought to be imbibing
Which is wine of course although you'd never think it,
And they use words like "young but promising", "precocious", "full of fun",
You'd think they were going to adopt the stuff, not drink it,
And at a meal those silly asses
Have a row of empty glasses
A different wine for every dish they eat,
Me ? I mix whatever's handy in a stiff all-purpose shandy
That goes very nice with fish or shredded wheat.

(REFRAIN)

Then there are those who take delight
Pronouncing all the labels right
They roll their "R's" and do those German glottals.
Me ? I couldn't give a monkeys's
'Cos the stuff for getting drunk is on the
Inside not the outside of the bottle.
So when you have your cheese and wine, invite your friendly philistine
Call me drunkard, call me sot, or call me wino (what do I know)
You'll find me in the kitchen,
Giggling and twitchin'
Having a sup and throwing up across your lino

REFRAIN (altered)

You can gauge your wine by the quality of the wine ,
The colour and bouquet if you insist ...........
But it all comes back to the falling over factor
And the fact that it gets you .................
Misty- eyed and mellow................
Gets you maudlin, mawkish, miserable ..........
And PISSED!!

Murray