There's always the one about Jesus and the Glaswegian

Irishman with a bad leg enters a bar and sits down on a stool at the bar, he painfully hefts his bad leg onto the foot rest and orders a whisky. Looking down the bar he notices someone else sitting down the end of the bar. He calls the barman over and asks, "That guy sittin' down the end of the bar - is that Jesus?". The barman nods his head and says, "Yeah that's him, he's one of my regulars". The Irishman then says, "In that case would you get him a large whisky on me". The barman gives Jesus the whisky and Jesus nods at the Irishman.

Just then an Italian with an extremely distorted spine walks into the bar and sits down beside the Irishman. He orders a glass of Chianti. The Irishman taps him and points towards Jesus. The Italian calls the barman over and asks, "That guy sittin' down the end of the bar - is that Jesus?". The barman nods his head and says, "Yeah that's him, he's one of my regulars". The Italian then says, "In that case would you get him a glass of Chianti on me". The barman gives Jesus the Chianti and Jesus nods at the Italian.

just then a Glaswegian enters the bar and sits down beside the Irishman and the Italian. He orders a pint of Lager. The irishman and the Italian tap him on the elbow and point towards Jesus. The Glaswegian calls the barman over and asks, "See youse is that God's boy doon yonder, yye ken yon Jesus". The barman nods his head and says, "Yeah that's him, he's one of my regulars". The Glaswegian then says, "In that case would youse get him a pint o' lager on me". The barman gives Jesus the lager and Jesus nods at the Glaswegian.

Jesus finishes up his drink, nods to the barman and makes his way up the bar to the door. He stops by the Irishman and lays his hand on the Irishmans shoulder and says, "Thanks for your kindness and hospitality, you are cured." The Irishman jumps up from the stool, his leg is as good as new and he does an irish jig out of the door.

Jesus then stops by the Italian and lays his hand on his shoulder and says, ""Thanks for your kindness and hospitality, you are cured." The Italian gets off his stool, straightens his back and does a series of back-flips out of the door.

Jesus then approaches the Glaswegian, who jumps off his stool and says, "Keep yer han's tae yersel' Am oan Disability Allowance."