Folks,

1) My uncle had a new outhouse built & my aunt went out as the first person to try it out. She came out o' there angry as hell but wouldn't say why. All she'd say was, "We aint payin' & aint sayin'". The builder checked the outhouse out from top to bottom. No Problems. He eventually stuck his head inside the seat hole and a beard hair got hung up in a "hairline crack" in the wood. (pun intended) He yelled, "OUCH" All my aunt said was, "Smarts, don't it!"

2) If you wrap a thin layer of sand paper around those fiddle pegs, one good twist would RRRRIIIIIPPPP all the offending nose hairs right out o' there. (Stopping the nose bleed on stage is yet another problem.)

3) You coulod always join the New Crust Nostrils...

4) Snot as bad as that sounds. (Their music wasn't either---but only by a hair.)pun intended

5) If you're bald just let them nose hairs grow and comb 'em back.

6) I found these suggestions and anecdotes in the strange writings of Nostrildamus !

7) Jew's Harp made my nose hairs itch like hell when they'd get hung up in the tongue of the instrument. My solution was to leave the instrument hanging from my nose while I went about finishing my set. Nobody ever mentioned it to me so I figured people just thought it was a new kind of piercing. Either that or "modern Art". (pun intended)

8) Woke up this morning, looked in the mirror and there were six baby rabbits on my head walking backwards in formation. Bummed me out until I realized it was only a receeding hare line. By noon they'd eaten all of my remaining hair. It was either fence my head, become a skinhead or join the Chicago Bulls. Now I work for the Bulls. They hired me to be the ball!

9) Then I sang "Nobody Nose The Trouble I've Seen".

10) At that point somebody KNOCKED ON MY DOOR with a petition. Wanted me to sign if I was "pro-bosis". I told him that I was anti-bosis--and he sadly walked away. (pun intended)

Enough I suspect !

Art Thieme (Copyrighted)
2 can play that game Kat! ;-)