Good thnking Bev and Jerry, but there are drawbacks.

Firstly, if you are burgled, then your thief knows everything about you in one convenient book!

Secondly, the clearing process and dicussion over what the deceased 'would have wanted' is often a good way of sharing grief and expressing the sadness and joy of that person's life. Taking away the only practical thing those left can do, might not be such a good thing.

I've been on both sides. My brother was killed in 1974 and although I was only 9, I did understand and I did know what was going on. My sister and I were sent away and only came back a week after the funeral, which had been delayed for an inquest anyway. When we got back, my brothers' stuff was practically all gone and my mother had changed forever. We didn't get a chance to grieve or say goodbye or take the memento that reminded us most of him. That cost us both dearly in therapy and anger management. To this day all I have is one small passport sized photo of him taken a month before his death, and the radio he had with him when he died.

Having had to be the practical one when my father died, I found I could cope a lot better whilst doing something. If I'd had time to sit around and mope like one aunt did when their mother died (she left it all to one sister, but catalogued the furniture for her own daughters before my grandmother was even cold in her bed), then I would not have coped as I did.

Leaving a sensible will and a funeral plan, and possibly a 'living will' is a good idea. Detailing down to the last teaspoon and cufflink is robbing others of that process, which is an important part of grief. I'm sorry if I'm coming over as pompous, but it's something I feel very strongly about. If ever I were to consider counselling as a vocation, it would be in this field.

LTS