You are all being so helpful. I appreciate it very much. I'm going to print all this out and refer to it again and again.

I posted my question late last night after talking to my tearful sister, who was on the phone at the hospital. She called this morning and said that two nurses and a chaplain had been adamant with her, repeatedly saying she must not be alone. So she called me in their hearing and asked me to come simply to get them to shut up and leave her alone!

She says that she has been preparing for this for a long time and has a list of "cut and dried" things to do today. Tomorrow, she wants to go back to work. Her job is easy and her co-workers are nice, and she thinks that the routine will keep her mind off her troubles. I would have been more impressed with this logic if her voice had not been full of tears, but we are all criers in the family, so perhaps it's all right. So I told her to treat today as an experiment, and if it goes okay, then I won't come.

The pawn, all my life I've been someone's pawn. (Just kidding.)

In a month I will go out and help clear out his things. In the meantime, I'll call her often to make sure she is okay. Everybody's right about the need to give support and to listen later, when the whirl of activities is over. Thanks again.