Roger the Skiffler, you sound like another who has had to endure ladies quacking endless , "I-said-to-her-and-she-said-to-me" stories at each other, without regard to the performers or the rest of the room. Sorry, Mrs. Cardboard-Cutout, but Sartre it isn't.

Pied Piper, I consider that there is one sector of humanity which any musician worthy of the name would be proud to slaughter without remorse or pity. I refer to teenagers with mobile phones, who delight in showing off the ring tones to each other at absurdly loud volumes, while musicians are performing.

One hulking great bass player whom I am acquainted with, did successfully appeal to the finer instincts of some of these people. He went over to them and asked, "What would you like to be if you grow up?"