Santa always makes a list
Then he checks it twice.
Not that the ol' bloke's gone Type-A
He just wants to be precise.
YOUR Santa thought to do the same
An' keep the holiday spirit true
So by checking with some UK elves
Santa's got the goods on YOU!
I've been told you're keen and lots of fun
A regular wunnerful gal
An' when you're on the piss (and must take one as well)
You should probably take 'long a pal.
Then you'll have someone to shove out in front
When arse over teakettle you spin
So that with any luck, you'll land on THEM
An' not risk your sweet neck again.
So keep Santa's advice close to your heart
True gems like that never fail.
Christmas is coming, your prezzie is too,
But please watch your step, not the mail.

Sanity Clause