A great piece of work. A few small suggestions :

The first two lines of the second verse don't work for me either. Is there a Bali Town ? I don't know. I'd have another look at these.

Line one in verse 4 would scan better if it was "A candle burns in the window bright". Line three in that verse might be better as "The pain may fade as the years go by" - just seems that its a bit soon to say that the pain will fade.