You know, as someone who takes a bit of flak for being whatever I am, I must say that some of you know some really perverse jokes!!! I can't remember jokes to save my ass. Sarcastic rambling is a bit more down my alley. But I gotta' say that Rick really started one here......some of you need to step up and take the "I'm Sick and Proud of It" oath. Y'all are hidin' your lights under the proverbial bushels.

But as I was taking a shower (stall's clean Alice) I got to thinkin' about "Irony" and a song I've been singin' for about thirty years. Considering my recent problems, it suddenly hit me how ironic this thing really was. Not a Talkin' Blues, but kind of a "talker" the song is by one of my favorite people, Patrick Sky. It also occurs to me that I'm a sorta' Pat Sky Juke Box......anyway, I'm sure I've changed a word or two over the years ( and specifically the price, but basically it goes like this:

Now I'm just a plain old country hick,
And I don't mean to make you sick,
But I got a few words that I'd like to say.
It's about this undertaker man
Who told me that he had a plan
To put me in the ground on Lay-Away.

Well it all started a couple years ago
When I met this Doctor in O-hi-o
Who told me that I really had it bad.
He said, "Son, your veins is turning blue
And emphysema is a-killin' you."
And he said, at most, three months is all I had.

Now friends as you can plainly see,
That scared the HELL right outa' me
And for a month or so I really had the blues.
Then one fine day I took a look
And sure enough in my phone book
I saw this sign that says, "Come In and Choose."

"Joe's Undertaker's..We have lots
Of coffins, grass, and burial plots.
We fix faces back the way they came.
Formaldehyde and alcohol
We'll pickle you, one and all,
Black or white, to us you're all the same.

So I went in and sat right down
And pretty soon this man came 'round,
Said he'd like to take some measurements.
So I looks at him and says, "Okay"
He starts measurin' right away,
Measures up 6300 dollars and 19 cents!

Now friends, as you can plainly see,
I'm as healthy as any boy could be,
And that doctor he just sits and wonders why.
So I look at him and I say, "Doc,
I know this comes as quite a shock,
But the truth is, I just can't afford to die."


I look forward to doing this one for many more years as I still can't afford to die!!!!

catspaw