Lane, Fielding, Patterson & Swan, Layabouts for Hire, have a package for the professional too busy to watch television. For a reasonable monthly fee we will dispatch a qualified layabout, fully trained in remote control operation, couch hollowing, and refrigerator grazing to see that your satellite dish dollars don't go to waste.

Why worry that you're not relaxing on your own soft couch? Why fret that you're not generating alpha waves in front of the blue flicker? Stay at work. Let us do nothing for you.

At Lane, Fielding, Patterson & Swan, it's the least we can do.