rock chick - it seems you have a pattern that works. It seems it's only the accepting of it that is missing. Once that is sorted you will have more time for the nitty gritty. You can't wan't things on behalf of other people.

My ex used to show all the signs of emabarrassment on my behalf if I merely sang along with the chorus. Result, not much folk. I always say "I never sang till the wife left home" - daren't stop just in case the magic wears off. No! I am not being harsh on her, she put me in the position of not doing something which I have found since satisfies a part of me she never could, by her own choice. What a waste.