Being stiffed by bar employers is not fun, but we solved it once by playing Take This Job And Shove It until the cops arrived to see what was going on so long after closing time. Without the cops we wouldn't have got paid.

Some 22 or so years ago I had a van load of gear swiped in a snowstorm. Fender basses, Telecaster, Gibson 335, Guild flat-top, amps and so on gone forever. Used the insurance cheque to pay off the van rather than replace the instruments...dumb, dumb, dumb...

Drunk bar patrons are fun, especially woman hitting on the band. But a couple of years ago a perfectly innocent Gibson SG got damaged by some polluted twit falling onto stage while trying to show us her tits as we played. Same place as the same guitar was damaged another time in almost the same circumstances.

Then there's well meaning stage hands knocking over favourite instruments...you know what they say about the road to hell...

One of my favourite nights to forget involved a pipe band and a horny she-piper who got quite hammered and went about lifting her kilt to show everyone that men actually wore more than she did beneath. Great fun, and she fell off her chair after sitting on her pipes. My gig had ended and we were sitting around getting plastered and playing lewd renditions of old folksongs which only seemed to arouse her. Laughing at others has its limits, thankfully, but that first image of her flashing her privates at the band will last a long time. She was kinda nice looking, but too bad drink made her kinda ugly.

Dues paid in full, Mooh.