Try this:

1. Look up the store's street address (or the chain's headquarters);
2. Register under a fictious name (I like Thomas Malvolo Riddle) at the address you looked up;
3. Give them the telephone number of your local police station (the non-emergency one);
4. Don't give 'em your email address!

The clerks don't care....

For a real laugh, when you pay by check and they request a driver's license, tell them you don't drive or that the cops took it away after your last "driving under the influence" offense. Then smile and show it if you want the stuff.