1. My "concerto in Dflat minor for duck-call and sackbut" was performed by the NY Philharmonic, conducted by L. Bernstein.

2. My opera "La Vache Qui Rie" in scheduled to be performed at the Metropolitan Opera next year. Domingo and Pavarotti are fighting for the lead role.

3. I am not listening to Howard Stern while I'm typing this. I don't like him.

4. I speak 90 languages fluently. Because of this, there is a court order barring me from entering the UN grounds, since no one there can keep a secret from me.

5. I am paid to not enter the following contests because there's no way I won't win by a mile: Galax Fiddlers Convention, Indy 500, Union Grove fiddlers Convention, Mr. Olympia.

6. My collection of rare, hand-crafted sackbuts is coveted by the Metropolitan Museam of Art, the British Museum, The Louvre and the Prado.

7. I hold the world's record for playing a sackbut for 5 days without a break.

(Truth: I like saying "sackbut". It's a cool word, but I never get the opportunity to say it.

I can't think of 10 things. I think the business about sackbuts proves that I should have stopped a lot sooner.

Thanks for the opportunity to be stupid for a few minutes, Bobert.




sackbut.