Well, Rick, here it is; I've tried my best at translating the Glaswegian off my tape; there'll be a few holes in the verses where I just can't make out the placenames through Hamish Imlach's accent... maybe one of our Scottish correspondents can fill in or correct the gaps!

Well, oot of the east, there came a hard man,
Ohhoohh, all the way from Bricton (Brighton? with a Scots accent?)

Ahhahh, glory hallelujah,
Cod liver oil and the orange juice.

Well, he went intae a pub and he come oot paralytic,
Ohhoohh, VP and cider,

Aahhahh, what a hell of a mixture,
Cod liver oil and the orange juice.

Spoken aside:"Sex rears its ugly head now!"

Does this bus go to the (Danister Parley)?
Ohhoohh, I'm lookin' for a lumber,

Ahhahh, glory hallelujah,
Cod liver oil and the orange juice.

Spoken: "Eyes up the talent, and lo, and behold..."

In the dancin' he met Hairy Mary,
Ohhohh, the flo'or o' the Gorbels,

Aahhahh, etc.

Spoken: "He chats her up.."

"Ah, noo, Mary, are ye dancin'?"
"Oh, no, it's jest the way I'm standin'"

Aahahh, etc.

Spoken:"Rebuffed!"

"Well, then, Mary, you're one in a million",
"Ohhohh, so's yer chances!"

Aahhahh, etc.

Spoken:"Rebuffed again!"

"Well, then, Mary, can I run ye hame?
Ohhoohh, I've got a pair of sandshoes(?)"

Aahhaahh," yer hell of a funny..."etc

Spoken:"Never say die; sways aboot non-chalantly pickin' his nails wi' 'is bayonet; an 'e knocks 'er off!..."

Well, doon through the back close, and intae the dunny,
Ohhoohh, it wasnae for the first time,

Aahhahh, etc.

Then oot came her mammy, she was goin' tae the clodgy(?)
Ohhoohh, half-buggered off Sharpies(?)

Aahhahh, etc.

Noo Hairy Mary's lookin' for her hard man
Ohhoohh, he's joined the Foreign Legion

Aahhaahh, Sahara under a camel
Cod liver oil and the orange juice

Then Hairy Mary had a little baby,
Ohhoohh, his father's in the army,

Aahhaahh, glory hallelujah,
Cod liver oil and the orange juice.

Truly perverse; I guess that's why I like it!