1. I inventd speell chequers
2. On entering the Royal Navy I was immediately signed up for the SAS
(I was the one in the fetching black outfit that threw the stun grenade through that embassy window on the tele)
3. i hate poepl that use propper inglish with capitols punctuashun spellin an stuff.
4. I sing real good, so I always sing balads that do not require a chorus of mediocre singers as back up.
5. I do not smoke, drink, or do anything else harmfull to this shrine that is my body.
6. I work-out on a regular basis.
7. I never see the other blighters point of view.
8. I have written to the Pope several times, mostly badgering His Holiness to canonise dear Margaret Thatcher (God Bless Her)
9. I detest all foreigners and their music.
10. I married the wife on the rebound from a gay love affair, when my boyfriend told me he was pregnant.
11. I am a computer guru, and make blue clicky things in my sleep.
12. I never outstay my welcome.
13. I am superstitious to the extreme.