This topic is outdated, but might be funny for those downunder:Given the sudden emergence of the One Nation Party as a political force in Australia, the government has indicated that all universities should go about estimating the number of One Nation voters in their student catchment, as a potentially new equity group (the "morally embarrassed"). To assist in this task the Australian Bureau of Statistics has just released a relevant demographic profile, stated in a form that can be added as a question directly to university's enrolment forms. Please action as appropriate.
"Please cross out the incorrect response: I am / am not a redneck.
As a guide to respondees, you can say that you are a redneck if: ... your bicycle has a gun rack ... you consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it ... your mother keeps a spittoon on her ironing board ... the UFO hotline limits you to one call per day ... you think prime entertainment is a sixpack of beer and a bug zapper ... the directions to your house include 'turn off the paved road' ....* your richest relatives just bought a new house and you helped take the wheels off ...** hailstorm hits your house and you have to take it to the body shop for an estimate ...* you have curtains in your truck but not in your house ... the window on the passenger side of your car is a "hefty" bag .. you have a denim leisure suit." *
Please feel free to complete this questionnaire and send to Pauline
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ONE NATION MEMBERSHIP APPLICATION
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Name: ________________
(_) Billy-Bob
(_) Billy-Joe
(_) Billy-Ray
(_) Billy-Sue
(_) Billy-Mae
(_) Billy-Polly
(Check appropriate box)
Age: ____
Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A
Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right
Occupation:
(_) Dirt Farmer
(_) Dirt Producer
(_) Dirt Eater
(_) Fish and Chip Shop Owner
Spouse's Name: __________________________
Relationship with spouse:
(_) Sister (_) Brother
(_) Aunt (_) Uncle
(_) Cousin (_) Mother
(_) Father (_) Son
(_) Daughter (_) Pet
Number of children living in household: ___
Number that are yours: ___
Mother's Name:_______________________
Father's Name: _______________________ (If not sure,leave blank)
Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)
___ Total number of vehicles you own
___ Number of vehicles that still crank
___ Number of vehicles in front yard
___ Number of vehicles in back yard
___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks
Firearms you own and where you keep them:
____ truck
____ bedroom
____ bathroom
____ kitchen
____ shed
Model and year of your pickup: _____________ 194_
Do you have a gun rack? (_) Yes (_) No; please explain:
Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
(_) The Truth (_)Exposure
(_) TV Guide (_) Soap Opera Digest
(_) Rifle and Shotgun
___ Number of times you've seen a UFO
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO
How often do you bathe:
(_)Weekly
(_)Monthly
(_)Not Applicable
Colour of teeth:
(_)Yellow (_)Brownish-Yellow
(_)Brown (_)Black (_)N/A
Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
(_)Red-Man
(_)Skoal
How far is your home from a paved road?
(_)1 mile
(_)2 miles
(_)what's a 'peved road'?
What do you admire most about Pauline?
(_) her policies
(_) her her skill with interviewers
(_) her hair-do
(_) the fact that she says just what I think I want to say when I want to say or think what to say ... what was the question again?
IF YOU HAVE BEEN ABLE TO ANWARE THIS QUESTIONNAIRE THEN YOU ARE FAR TOO LITERATE FOR OUR ORGANISATION - SO PISS OFF!
IF YOU HAVEN'T MANAGED TO GET THIS FAR THEN YOU'RE THE ONE FOR US AND SO SEND YOUR APPLICATION TO PAULINE C/- PAULINE'S FISH SHOP, IPSWICH.