THE BURGLAR

Did you ever hear of the burglar bold who went to rob a house?
He crept in through the window as quiet as a mouse.
He crept in through the window while the people were asleep,
But he heard a footstep on the stairs and under the bed did creep.

The burglar he crept under the bed and kept quite close to the wall.
If he had known 'twas an old maid's room, he would never have had the gall.
The old maid she came into the room. "How tired I am," she said,
And, thinking that everything was all right, she never looked under the bed.

She took out her teeth and her big glass eye and the wig from the top of her head.
The burglar had 17 kinds of fits as he peeked from under the bed.
From under the bed the burglar crawled and he was a total wreck.
The old maid she jumped out of the bed and grabbed him around the neck.

The old maid never fainted away, but, just as cool as a clam,
Said, "I've been a maid for 50 years. Now, I found myself a man."

A revolver she aimed at the burglar's head and these are the words she said:
"Now, young man, you must marry me or I'll blow off the top of your head."
The burglar was looking around the room, didn't see no place to scoot.
He looked at the wig, and the big glass eye, and he said, "FOR GOD'S SAKE... SHOOT!