Once upon a time in the Mudcat Tavern.....

"It sure is a dusty old place," she thinks to herself as she pushes the door back on its rusty hinges, "but it should shine in a jiffy." In no time, the place was in order: Mistletoe hung over a jukebox loaded with Mudcat music and rigged to accept dollar coins, Aboriginal Artwork from Alison and a stolen VanGogh from Amsterdam hung above the bar next to a 'Birth of Venus' painting of Spaw on a seashell and the spit-wad collage of Alan Lomax, and the behind-the-bar checklist was unearthed for perusal.

The woman blows the dust off of the ancient paper, untucks the pencil from behind her ear and mutters, "Well, there's no gift like the present, I guess.." and proceeds:

Kitchen aired out for MMario and elves? Check

TP in the stalls and napkins on the tables? Check.

Layabout cushions fluffed and big drool bibs handy in case THE FAIR ONE stops by? Check.

Booth in the corner usually reserved for 'saving the world from itself' political banter transformed into a cozy nook for Andres and kin?   Check.

Ad for new help? "Sweet merciful crap," the woman thinks to herself. With Leej doing double-time (can you sing Papa's Got A Brand New Bag?) we'll need a new part-time bartender!   "Should be easy enough," she mutters, "let's see......"

Wanted: Low-Strung/Low-Slung Part-time Barkeep for Cyber Tavern.
Applicant must be of slightly un-sound mind and sounder-than-average constitution. Must be willing to dole out brews like Raskolnikov and Turkey Turd as well as the good stuff. Must be able to memorize Bert's credit card number. Must know at least one tune from "Songs in the Key of Self".   Jello-pit cleaning, go-go hamster wrangling, and possum chasing experience a plus. Good hygiene is preferred, but not a prerequisite for employment. Mudcat EOE.

CHECK!

Now, the tree is set, if a bit naked, all that's needed is for 'Catters to decorate it, and slide cyber-gifts beneath it. First gifts: a damp little ribbon that has "TO THE FAIR ONE" scrawled on it, surrounding a teary recitation of "The Cattle Dog's Death" (can't get through it without crying, sorry, but you made my year by sending it) and an AVOCADO stocking stuffer for the guacamole princess, as well as a hollowed out log for Cleigh to sleep in and dream about girl possums.

Happy holday of your choosing, the drinks are on Bert.