You know, I get a lot of this sort of inspirational glop in my e-mail every day. And my first inclination is to just hit delete without bothering to read through it. That's what I would have done with the above message.

But here's one I did get that I kept becauise I felt there might actually be some use in it. So I'll post it here in rebuttal.

Cowboy Axioms

* Don't squat with your spurs on.
* Don't interfere with nothin' that ain't botherin' you none. (That includes daisies)
* If you find yourself in a hole, the first order o' business is to stop diggin'.
* The easiest way to eat crow is while it's still warm. The colder it gets, the harder it is to swaller.
* If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some importance, just you try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
* Always take a good look at what you're about to eat. It ain't so important to know what it is, but it is downright crucial to know what it was.
* Just 'cause trouble comes a-visitin' don't mean you gotta offer it a place to sit down.
* Never get into a stinkin' match with a skunk or an ass-kickin' contest with a porkypine.
* Never ask how big an ass somebody can be 'cause they'll by God turn around and show you.
* It's always pref'rable to keep your trap shut and look stupid than open up and prove it.
* If it don't seem to be worth the effort it probably ain't.
* It don't take no bonafide genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
* Never ask the barber if you need a haircut.
* Don't worry about bitin' off more'n you can chaw; your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n what you think it is.
* A good horse don't never come in a bad colour.
* Always drink upstream from the herd.
* Gen'rally, you're learnin' nothin' when your mouth is a-jawin'.
* Lettin' the cat out of the bag is a damn sight easier than puttin' `er back in.
* If you're a-ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back ever now and then and make sure they's still there with you.
* Good judgement comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
* Good timin's got a lot to do with the fav'rable upshot of a rain dance.
* There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. And neither one works no hell.
* They's three kinds of men: them that learns by reading, them that learns by observation, and the rest who just gotta have a piss on the `lectric fence for themselves.
* Never kick a cowchip on a hot day.
* If you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a feller, don't be surprised when they learn that lesson and teach it back to you.
* When you're a-throwin' your weight around, you best be ready to have it thrown around some more by somebody else.
* The biggest troublemaker you'll ever deal with watches you shave his face ever' damn mornin'.
* Never miss a good chance to shut the hell up.

Oh.... right.