(What's that about Lizzies oversized tankard?
Surely a tankard can only be oversized if you can't lift it!!!)
"There's still some shaggin' left in that sheep yet, so it aint completely useless, unlike my inflateable nuts. The valve blew off, you know. I've been Bobbitted. And the best years of my life afore me. I'll have to get an im-plant. How about a carrot? Or, better yet, a parsnip?"
His missus stops dancing long enough to fix him with a withering glare
"That'll be a turnup fer the book, might consider goin' vegetarian"