Well whether you want to believe it of not, all those satelites up there are controlled by our corrupt government. You probably think they're just spying on you in your back yards and FLIR'ing into your bedrooms. But Bobert, the GUEST formerly known as Steamed, and my own humble self know better. Don't tell me you really expected your government to tell you when they developed the technology to look directly into your brain with those satelites. It's been happening for years I tell you. For that very reason I suggest everybody who wants to protect the privacy of your own brains take these few simple steps. I admit these precautions may cause the government to single you out, but I'm talking about the essential defense of our precious liberties. I for one, am willing to risk it for the sake of my brain.

It really doesn't take much to distort the signals our corrupt government is beaming into our brains from all those satelites. Just make sure you always wear a hat lined on the inside with a thick layer of aluminum foil. On particluarly bad days, when several satelites may be attacking your brain at once, you may opt to affix metal campaign buttons to the outside of the hat. You don't have to completely cover it. Just put enough on to disrupt the signals. And don't ever take it off, even when you're sleeping!

Don't think you're safe just because you're indoors. Those satelites will reach right through the roof. My head got really itchy last month so I had to spend a whole evening lining the ceiling of my room with aluminum foil. I took a tip from another thread and bought the alumninum foil from the grocery store using a club card I obtained under a false name. You can never be too careful.

It sure felt good to finally be able to scratch my head.