I must admit that I prefer shaky egg players to bad but enthusiastic bodhran players - but then Essex Girl usually has several (shaky eggs) with her.

One of the most amusing sights that I've seen was a fellow who played a red coloured one. He held it in his hand with his fingers wrapped round it and just the pointed end sticking out. The action was a forward and back movement in his lap. He had a far-away look on his face and we were all wondering if he'd reach ejaculation !

I suppose one solution would be to spray paint some real eggs and discreetly substitute them for the plastic ones. The player would then try so hard to get some sound out of them that they would probably break them - even if they didn't they'd make wonderful scrambled egg afterwards !