From the inimitable Spike jones and his City Slickers I offer this gem, "This Is My New Year's Resolution". Enjoy!

This is my New Year's resolution.

When my mother-in-law begins to yell and shout.
Through the window, I would like to throw her out,
But I resolve not to do it. Here is why.
I'm afraid of hitting someone passing by.

This is my New Year's resolution.

When I'm at the movies watching a love scene,
And a lady's hat is blocking half the screen.
I resolve not to shout, "Take off that hat!"
I'll remove it gently with a baseball bat.

This is my New Year's resolution.

When I take a lovely lady out to eat,
And she orders caviar instead of meat.
I resolve to let the lady have her fill,
And of course I'll also let her pay the bill.

This is my New Year's resolution.

When I'm sitting with my wifey on the bus,
And a dear old lady stands in front of us.
I resolve to be a gentleman discreet.
I'll politely offer her my wifey's seat.

This is my New Year's resolution.

When my mother says, "Come in. It's time to eat."
And I keep on playing games out in the street.
I resolve to rush right home now when I'm called.
Cuz my pop just bought a hairbrush and he's bald.

This is my New Year's resolution.

On the radio this year I hope to score,
With some funny jokes I've never told before.
I resolve not to tell a corny joke.
Hello. What's that? The church burned down. Holy smoke!

This is my usual revelation.

In this coming year I'm going to be discreet.
Have the Slickers playing music soft and sweet.
I resolve to treat Tchaikovsky tenderly,
And set his second movement off with TNT.