Pausing for effect, and turning the candles upside down (a lume spento), extinguishing them on a picture of your mother-in-law's favorite chair, and writing the words, "Avaunt, Sycorax" on a clay model of her second favorite kitchen utensil, which is hereby banished to the back of a drawer where it will be found by a small child and played with to ruination, I continue: May the final pages of her detective novel be magically inserted by accident in the first third of the book; May her car be approximately one centimetre too small for any future parking space; May she be contacted as the winner of $30 million dollars provided she can answer a skill testing question which involves partial differential equations; May her vowels become consonants; May her breath cause a security breach at the next airport she frequents, forcing her to take an unscheduled trip to Guantanamo, while there, may she be befriended by a woman who turns out to be Osama bin Laden in drag, and may the two of them escape in a small boat that is washed up on the shores of Naples, Florida, where their assignation is captured on CNN, with a special banner AMERICA WATCHES BETRAYAL OF AMERICA BY NAPLES, FLORIDA WOMAN, and (winding up for the BIG FINISH!!!!) May she have you for a SON IN LAW!!!!!! (How's that?) yours, Peter T.